When I'm alone..

In any case you don't know: I'm shifting back with my daddy and the damn duffle bag keep crushing my feet today. >=( 

& my rented room is in a mess! HAHAHAHAHA!

Sometimes thoughts keep running around my head.

Stuff like, how long will I live alone?

How long will I get to see and talk to my dad again.

How long later will I graduate, get a job, get married.

Yeah, stupid stuffs. & then the thoughts goes back to my mother's passing and  then now my stepmum.

I must say that after so many years of staying out alone, fending for myself, shifting back to my dad's would, well definitely be weird. Like really weird.

For now I just want my projects to end smoothly, graduate smoothly(but if 2012 really ends that would be the best 21st birthday present for me even thou I don't celebrate my birthday much).

Find a stable job, support my younger sister and perhaps one day, further my education overseas.

Was thinking a lot last night like what my bf said, why am I always thinking so negative?

I always thought like, my mum side all love my er jie. My father side, ah ma dote on da jie. No one dote on me.  -_-! Since young, I was always being pressured to study harder than my other 2 sister and I always don't know why.

But I realize that, mummy wants me to study hard for myself, not for others.

I have my cousins, who knowing that I wanted to defer my studies through Twitter, told me not to. Told my ah ma and ah ma paid my school fees. I have my second sis to help me support part of my financials despite her low income(which I have to pay back in future. =S).

I should just stop thinking negative right? I guess so. 

Was really glad that my team mates remembered to inform me the timing earlier as expected. But I thought I was late and took cab to school cause I didn't like them always waiting for me. Not really waiting, I don't really like being late but i'm always late and I dunno why. But was travelling from amk to my house to grab my laptop and then to school today. I manage to wake up at 8.30am today. So yeah, kinda shocking and rare for me to wake up at such hour, but glad i'm the earliest today cause I was given the timing 1.5hrs earlier.  & I realize i'm always cabbing to school for project meeting. HAHA! *should stop cabbing and wake up even earlier to save cost* Broke.

I guess pushing yourself to your limit at times,  might just be good. Shall try not to breakdown anymore and really focus. Don't bother about politics cause it is stupid, main focus, studies. Am happy with friends like Ginia, Petrina, Shi Hui, Xin yan & Siti by my side during school times. & Siti is coming back to school and study soon! Can see her again. Miss her so so much cause I can whine and hug her and cry all I want to and act like a goof. I don't bother about image. I can wear really nice and act like a clown. Laugh so loudly and scream all the vulgarities I love. Ok, I don't really hurl vulgarities anymore. -_- But in any case. I can take all hurtful words thrown to me cause I'm a very straightforward person & I don't bother how others look at me other than my love ones. I just realize, I have slacken alot compared to year 1 and 2.1. THIS IS BAD. Must be hardworking again. JIAYOU JIAYOU!

Lastly, very random:

I love my cliques of DED & CDC and have been friends for 7 freaking years! Gonna be 8 soon! HAHA! And of course my 2 lovely bros, Sebas (6yrs) & CS (12yrs!!!! OMG) although we seldom meet now. They really brighten up my day. Well, not forgetting my 2 hilarious elder sister and my goofy bf who can tolerate my temper the best(oh, his temper isn't any better when he is angry. HAHA!).

And all my friends should stop calling me blur queen. -_-! I'm still fine with the xiao gui and sadako part thou. Used to it since secondary school. -_-!!!

On a happier note: Gonna meet CS and Sebas soon next month! Been a long long while we gather together bros! <3