Solemn week

A Solemn Week for me

Most of you might have known that my step-mum had passed away on 16 January 2012 in the morning.

It was quite shocking to heard of such news early in the morning at 7am from my dad.

My mood was of core sadness due to her passing.

I don't really know how to describe such feelings as after all, she's not my real mum.

I remember when I was 9 and my own mum passed away, I cried non-stop for 4 whole days.

Crazy much? Yes that was how horribly sad I was even up till now.

But yes, at least she is rid from her sufferings and no need to go through all the chemo anymore.

Same for my step-mum, as much as I am sad, but I won't shed much tears this time, perhaps due to me getting older and trying to suppress all my emotions to avoid getting depressed anymore, in any case, it becomes inevitable everytime i'm sad, and the tears start flowing.

But the thought of my dad crying all over again over the same incident, the passing of his second wife due to this home-wrecking disease, cancer.

I can picture him in the picture below now, which really really tears my hearts apart.

Each time flashbacks of the past keep coming back to me, I just can't help but cry and always wonder, why my family? 

I know my family might not have gone through the worst in aspects of my family losing my mum 11yrs ago. Separated from dad and sis cause he re-married and that I have to start fending for my own after my 'o's, gone through the wrong path and struggled from ITE to my current polytechnic. (Yes, I went to Higher Nitec as after my mum passed away, no one bothered or control me at all.)

Face many ups and downs in relationships and slowly mature as I grow older, but yet, still trying to act young and youthful but I know I ain't that anymore. Just stubborn and hot-tempered still.

 My heart is like playing tons of sad songs now to handle this hell hole of 2012. The start wasn't awesome since my Year2.2 in poly, everything have been going downhill. Everything was affected, I lost my focus and don't really know who I am anymore sometimes. Not even photoshoots which I love so much can cheer me up now. I need to find back my passion. Studies, work, family, relationship will be going smooth soon. As long as I persevere despite the tough road ahead with many obstacles.

It will be all over soon when the rain cease, I believe it will.
It will be better today, so much better.