The day I electrocuted myself.

I know the title sounds ridiculous and I SWEAR IT IS!

BUT YES I ELECTROCUTED MY RIGHT PALM TODAY!

I know you must be thinking, WTF! Why did you even torture yourself.

HELL NO I DID NOT!

Firstly, the plug cover came off, and I just did the usual.

Yes with the switch on, I know idiot me.

Expecting things to be as usual. HELL NO!

The fucking cover dropped and I wanted to smack it hard to fix it back.

There, I get the electric waves straight into my body.

My right hand was numb for a good 30minutes, followed by pain and well rly bad open pores.

Check out my super obvious palm lines due to the open pores.

After that check out my nice hand. 

It practically cease down now to this small blisters. Can't rly see it due to it's 'small-ness'

And I went to did some lame thingy which came out quite true.

But it was more of the past me. SORT OF.

I used to be impartial. Let's see, only to people's problems thou.

My own. I screw them up like one hell. #truestory.

I tend to treat people equally unless something click open my cache I go either T-T or ROARRRRR!

Ya sort of.

I don't get about the too cool thingy, practically people used to say i'm cool etc.

Not true. I'm just silent at times and noisy at times.

I mean, it really depends on the occasion and clique right?

100% faithful, that is when i'm in a relationship unless I felt that it have died down.

Things have to be done, harsh ones. Just let go.

Or if I can't feel the importance  of me in that person's life, I will let go too despite loving him so much.

And basically IQ wise. Erm. Just read:

                                       There have been various classification systems for IQ.

 

                                                        Terman's classification was (6):

 

IQ Range	Classification
140 and over	Genius or near genius
120-140	Very superior intelligence
110-120	Superior intelligence
90-110	Normal or average intelligence
80-90	Dullness
70-80	Borderline deficiency
Below 70	Definite feeble-mindedness

 

(Terman wrote the Stanford-Binet test (1), which has a SD of 16.)

 

Later, Wechsler thought that it would be much more legitimate to base his classifications on the Probable Error (PE) so his classification was (6):

 

Classification	IQ Limits	Percent Included
Very Superior	128 and over	2.2
Superior	120-127	6.7
Bright Normal	111-119	16.1
Average	91-110	50
Dull Normal	80-90	16.1
Borderline	66-79	6.7
Defective	65 and below	2.2

Mental deficiency used to be more finely classified using the following technical terms that later began to be abused by the rest of society (5):

IQ Range	Classification
70-80	Borderline deficiency
50-69	Moron
20-49	Imbecile
below 20	Idiot

These are now largely obsolete and mental deficiency is now generally called mental retardation.  The following is the currently used classification of retardation in the USA (5):

IQ Range	Classification
50-69	Mild
35-49	Moderate
20-34	Severe
below 20	Profound

Moreover, "educable mentally retarded" is roughly equivalent to mild mental retardation, and "trainable" mentally retarded is roughly equivalent to moderate (5).  The DSM now requires an assessment of a person's adaptive functioning as an additional criterion for labeling someone retarded.  IQ is not enough.  Maybe the same sort of thing should be done for labeling somebody a genius.

So i'm just like the norm. No i'm not smart. I do admit that.

What's there to be shy of? No hush hush.

Cause I do things without using my brain to think and always end up in trouble.

I know. I should change. I will. Promise. =D

I think my strengths is a problem to me.

It lands me into hot pot.

#NOJOKE

Being too straightforward and not thinking things through and just blurting it out.

BAD MOVE. But i'm changing. I SWEAR!

My weakness in Patronizing.

Hmmm.. I don't know to say it's good or bad.

Basically if my gfs ring me up in the middle of the night or whatever and in tears or not.

I will definitely take a cab down, near or far.

I do admit it's my weakness to care for all my close friends.

But I just don't want them to get hurt.

But sometimes, not much will treat me the way I treat them.

I have people who back stabbed me countless times in Secondary school.

Trust me, all I do is slp in class or in dc rm or at hm SLEEPING during those days.

Yeah. Freedom as no one controlled me so I wanted attention from my dad who wasn't living with me.

Just get into shit loads of trouble till he notices ME & not his new family.

I grew up without my parent's love, so yeah.

Back to topic:

I don't even know how I always get into all this shit when my body and soul isn't really in school.

But in the end I always forgive them, help them to tide through their own problems when I have truckloads myself about my family.

I'm the forget the problem the next day or maybe a couple of days and just let it go.

Either by eating excessively or just punch stuff. Wall etc.

I don't do the punching now, just more of binge eating as usual.

Food makes one happy.

NOT KIDDING HERE. It helps. Or just go SCREAM AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I know i'm a very pessimistic person and yes the word DEATH have been hanging on me ever since my mum pass away. It's to the extend that I committed suicide when I was 10, but failed.

2 elder sis pulled me back from the edge. 

What was I thinking? I don't know.

Really.

Maybe cause the fact that dad wasn't around mostly.

Like in a year, he's only home for a week and then he will be gone again.

Throwing me and my sisters at home, with a maid.

And having my ah ma to come to our house daily to help out.

And yeah she's naggy most of the times and we rebelled and got punished and slapped and whatever.

But I know she dote on us.

Thank you ah ma to help us tide through during our younger days.

She paid our(3 sisters) school fees and school books and allowance during our primary school days.

Oh why? Cause daddy wasn't home much ever since mummy's death.

SO BLAH!

I mean I don't think of it as much as I used to now.

But you know like perhaps you are at a tall building or up the escalator.

Death thoughts are actually still in me.

Like if i jump down from the escalator how or accidentally fall off?

Or what if the lift malfunction and the wire snap and the lift goes BOOM!

Or if I cross the road and get bang by a car how?

I know, stupid thoughts indeed. 

HIAKS. But no, death is not a solution people.

So just forget and get over it ASAP before you think too much and really put action to it.

That's when people will be sad and cry over your death.

But i'm also grateful to my bffs as in secondary school, most of their parents know that I do not have a mum.

They all treated me like their own daughter, shower me with love like a mother.

Some do nag at me, surprisingly.

Of course on my studies, what else. HAHA..

But i'm actually glad I did not stray too badly.

No drugs etc and stuff. So yeah.

(2 cigg does not count!)

Oh I still remember choir in secondary and primary school days!

AHHH! Memories and fun moments.

Of course. I was leading the S1 section. Proud of it.

But teaching them was KILLING ME, cause juniors wanted breaks only.

Kinda meeehhhh at trying to get them to practice their singing.

But I realize, people hate me at first cause they think i'm very ah-lianish.

BUT I'M NOT! T-T

But whatever the case, eventually they get to know me. Accept me for who I am.

Very straightforward back then. I don't like a particular person I just say so why and why.

Now I just shut up, don't talk.

Getting old, don't wanna strike conversations.

Just want to be mostly alone, and sometimes not.

But all in all, life is given to me. I'm grateful for it.

Thankful for my mum giving birth to me and well given that my name is different from my elder sisters.

Don't know why, daddy said I was special but I don't think so.

My 2 sisters are felicia and fiona. I'm a D for denise.

And their chinese name are like hui qi, hui min.

I'm a CAI YUN! -_-!

Don't ask me why. I don't know.

KK! BB! Go sleep.

Gonna wake up early to type my report etc for early submissions as well as project parts.

And CDPTXZ, thank you and sorry.

For being stubborn, for not thinking about how you all felt.

For just ranting what I wanna rant and cause disharmony with the wrong usage of words.

I really mean no harm.

But i'm glad that we cleared things up.

And I thank you all for noticing my effort and constantly answering to my queries.

Thank you. I'm really grateful.

I will change to be as cheerful as possible.

To live with no regrets regardless of any setbacks.

Despite my age, I still have a lot to learn about life eh. =D

P.S: I screwed F&B Q&A, kinda feeling horrible.

BUT IT'S OVER! So shall not think about it and just worry about the results and other projects.

For now.

*Gulps*

Went shopping today too! Had fun.

Been long since I shopped due to financial shitty.

But have some spares this month so SHOP.

And next month having extra $ given by govt.

Saving time! Till next semester = WORK!

Save $$$$ and pay all the shitload bills that I can pay.

And save up for year 4(yes i'm going year 4) school fees.

LE SIGH!

My life revolves around bills, this sucks.

But LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!

I'm graduating soon. 1 year 2 months more to go *cough*